Have you ever believed in your heart that God is calling you to something? That He has pressed upon you His plan and as terrifying as it may be you feel the hunger to follow Him? Only to be met with adversity, chaos, and trouble? Have you ever cried out “Lord, I only wish to do Your will, why is this so hard?! Why are You not making the way so I can serve You as You wish?!”
I have! And I have seen Him move in unexplainable ways to bring His will to fruition. Through the adversity, chaos, and trouble I have found Him to be true to His promises. I have found that all it takes is one step toward Him in any small way, your best effort only at trusting Him and having eyes to see the incredible ways He will move.
Never too late to be saved
Three long years ago I felt the calling to leave my full time career as a police officer to become the mother He had intended for me to be all along. I had strayed far away from His plan for me and my family and it was going to take a miracle to undo all the damage I had done. Well, thankfully God is a miraculous God and not a one of us is too far gone to be saved by His grace and mercy.
He brought me and my family out of our darkness and set us on a journey toward light. Guess what though…this journey has been incredibly difficult and confusing! I knew three years ago that I needed to be home and began taking steps to make that happen. But I swear to you, every time we thought we had it figured out we hit a wall. Talk about discouraging. I’ve lost track of the number of times I have cried out in anger and frustration, “Lord, I am standing here trying to do Your will-why won’t You let me!?”
I constantly fell back on these two Scriptures:
Proverbs 3:5-6- Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will set your path straight.
Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.
If it were not for the truth in those verses I very well might have given up on this journey. But without fail, every time I felt completely incapable, disheartened, and frustrated He would lift me up in His strength and we would push on.
For three years I applied for new jobs-work from home, different fields, various positions-all in the hopes to get ‘one step closer’ to being a stay at home mom. Well guess what…we finally realized that God does not want us ALMOST doing His will. He wants us to fully trust that His will is perfect and He wants us to have faith enough to take those leaps when we come to them.
You should know that I have a bachelor’s degree and over 12 years of experience that easily transfers to other fields of work. And let me tell you that in those three years I did not get so much as a single phone call or follow up email on a single job application! Talk about discouraging! But God’s plans are bigger than ours and He moves at just the right time. And if we let Him, He will give us the courage to act when that time comes.
Fast forward to our summer of storms: if this past summer wasn’t enough to make us give up this dream I don’t know what could have! But again, God has plans. One afternoon I took my children to go visit my grandmother. I had all but given up in my job search and had reserved myself to the notion of working night shift, being exhausted, worn out, and confused. That afternoon my grandmother literally dropped God’s plan for us in my lap.
God moves-keep your faith
It came in the form of the weekly bulletin from my grandmother’s church. In it was a job posting for the local crisis pregnancy center. They were looking for a new part time director. I was intrigued but skeptical. I didn’t know if we could do it-I was the breadwinner of our home and I wasn’t sure that we had done enough to make it happen. Or heck, if I’d even get a phone call back!
Oh how I prayed, and prayed, and prayed! My husband worked on our budget and we took some major steps financially to see if it was even possible. Wouldn’t you know it….I got a phone call! I was shocked and excited. But there was so much fear in both of us. HOW COULD WE MAKE THIS WORK!?
I was bent on trusting Him! I had to, there was no other way!
Then it happened-no, not the job offer I was praying for…the obstacle standing between me and God’s will. Another job opening that I was extremely qualified for and most likely would get based on circumstances. This job was full time, paying even more than I was already making, close to home, in my field, better hours, etc, (you get the point-so tempting!) I was angry! We were all set to follow through with the pregnancy center and now we had this new option.
I was confident that I knew God’s will and I resisted applying for the new position. Which in turn caused tension in my marriage as I had promised my husband that I would go ahead and apply and see what happened. I kept putting it off though. Although I was hesitant I knew God would move in exactly the way He needed to and I knew that my calling as a wife was to work with my husband, not against him.
If I had learned anything in the last three years it was that God wanted my biblical submission to my husband as the head of our home. I was not about to destroy my marriage over what I believed was God’s will for us. What if I was wrong and I resisted?
Here is the utterly amazing part where God moved when we least expected it. As I was about to hit the send button on my application for the full time position, I got an email that I got the job with the pregnancy center! God moves!! I looked over at my husband in complete shock and showed him the email. His answer, “well, I guess we have our answer!” Absolutely amazing!
Will you walk with me?
And now I sit here writing this to encourage you. I encourage you to trust in the Lord. I can speak from experience that He keeps His promises. I know adversity and fear and have walked through the valley of death and have come out on the other side stronger, bolder, and full of faith and hope.
I am here to be Titus 2 to You, because God has asked me to share my story and encourage you to love your husbands, love your children, be self-controlled, pure, busy at home, to be kind, and biblically submissive. I have much to share and even more to still learn as we journey on this walk of faith together!